Forty-Four Relatable Tweets That'll Crack You Up

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  • 01
    Text - 9 @ Sleep till AX! Taniaaa @nobledemonsxo It's two am in the morning, I'm cleaning my office and found a package I ordered quite a few months ago, ah yes my four (4) tiny cowboy hats I ordered that I remember being quite pricey for some reason, anyway turns out I can't read and accidentally ordered 60 tiny cowboy hats. 11:49 PM · 1/18/20 from Texas, USA · Twitter for Android
  • 02
    Event - Me: l'm never getting back together with my ex Also me after 2 tequila shots: @MyTherapistSays
  • 03
    Text - Text - Katie Didn't @Pork_Chop_Hair People Giving Writing Advice: Be you, just write what you know Me, typing: "Her eyes shimmered like oil in a deep fryer. She had hair like brown linguini, and thighs like albino sea lions." People: wait no, why are you like that 7:54 AM · 1/20/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 04
    Text - Photography - insta gram user bee binch @beebinch life imitates art SIG @beebinch 11:21 AM · 7/25/19 · Twitter for iPhone 1,061 Retweets 3,778 Likes
  • 05
    Text - Text - The Salty Mamas @saltymamas It's game night so we're having some amazing family time. Family time fighting over the rules to Trouble. Family time crying over who hasn't won Candyland. Family time picking up game peices that were thrown across the room when "THIS ISN'T FAIR." God I love quality time. 4:47 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 06
    Text - Ecoregion - Price @Price_TW florida hates itself Imao EVER STATE'S LEAST FAVORITE STATE (ACCORDING To @MATTSURELEE'S INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS) EEE Hates Michigan Hates Nebraska (| Hates N. Dakota Hates Texas Hates lowa Hates New Jersey Hates Ohio | Hates W. Virginia Hates California Hates Missouri Hates Oklahoma Hates Illinois Hates Florida Hates Kansas Hates Indiana Doesn't Hate Anyone Apparently (I didn't get any Hates Alabama Hates Virginia Hates Kentucky answers) Hates Massachussets I| Hat
  • 07
    Text - Facial expression - Mark Hamill @HamillHimself Happy Birthday, Dad. Thank you for a lifetime of superb performances!@jamesearljones #NationalTreasure LU VIN AA American Airlines can O 171K 3:44 PM - Jan 17, 2020
  • 08
    Text - Text - jake @huntychan Congratulations to anyone who has ever written a cover letter
  • 09
    Text - Text - Rob Lowe @RobLowe I didn't expect my hat to be the most interesting part of this game! Barstool Sports @barstoolsports · 9h Some people cheer for a team. Rob Lowe cheers for the Shield. FOX CH 5:18 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 10
    Text - Text - Mom Jeans @momjeansplease Me: l'd like to book a massage please Her: Swedish or deep tissue Me: What's the one where you just draw letters on my back and I have to guess them 9:21 AM - 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 11
    Text - Dog - RaúlTM @Benitez0464 This is the one show me what's in ur mouth OR @moistbuddha draw 25 ONO
  • 12
    Text - Text - Marcy G @BunAndLeggings Being and adult is frustrating because all we really want to do is take naps, but we can't because we have to do we don't want to do. That's why we're always in a bad mood because we can't take naps, and our back hurts like all the time. 7:51 AM · 1/13/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 13
    Text - Text - Arianna Bradford @TheNYAMProject Oprah: And here, we have Arianna. Tell us: What are you most thankful for? Me: Ice cream. Spanx. Top shelf booze. O: Don't you have two kids? What about them? M: They can't drink booze, Oprah, don't be stupid. 4:58 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 14
    Text - Text - Molly @mistrustme1 Sexting with me means liberal use of the word hoo haw. Sort of explains a lot about me, doesn't it? 9:35 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 15
    Text - Text - O Kate amongst the pigeons. @MorticiaKate Hear me out, a new tv show called "Doc April" he's a local village GP who solves crimes like Quincy, He also works like columbo, he makes you think he doesn't know what's happened but then BOOM he works it out straight away, then says his catchphrase "guess you got APRIL FOOLED" 10:49 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 16
    Text - Text - Kieran @KieranMSimpson date: what do you believe in? me: destroying nasa for what they did to pluto date: i meant religiously me: we should sacrifice nasa to satan for what they did to pluto 11:18 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 17
    Text - Text - Judy @judyohtweets There are two kinds of people. People who claim that exercising is invigorating and gives them energy- aka my husband-who declares, "I feel alive!" after a few hours of working out, and then me who needs a shower and a nap. 2:58 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 18
    Text - Text - @mina_pdx Replying to @postgrad_barty A professional eater(solid 200+lbs heavier than me, also 5'5)took me to my favorite burrito place, got himself 3 burritos to my 1(they're about 1.5lbs each), watched me take my first few bites, then showed me his favorite trick for winning competitions. The trick is to not chew. 7:30 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 19
    Text - Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Me: [watching football] Wife: [silently reading at the end of the couch for three quarters of the game] Announcer: That was a huge hole! Wife: BAHAHАНА HUGE HOLE 2:21 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 20
    Text - Product - sneaky dogfriend @GrrIGhost Lmao why have Zara decided to model jeans like this NEW NEW JEANS ZW PREMIUM PETIT WHITE ZW PREMIUM PETITE ACID BLACK JEANS 39.95 EUR 39.95 EUR 6:53 AM - 1/19/20 · Twitter Web App
  • 21
    Text - Text - ur name here @tasha_why red lobster helps define who l am Answer a survey question to continue reading this content Question 1 of 2 or fewer: Which of these statements best describes how you feel about Red Lobster? I have never heard the name I have heard the name I know what Red Lobster does/makes I know Red Lobster stands out Red Lobster helps define who I am O Love it, defend it OR f Show me a different question 8 Red Lobster 9:15 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 22
    Text - Text - Megan Rebekah @_meggybread My pet peeve is that one tumblr post about the Welsh translation of Harry Potter and how the house names sound silly, as though Hufflepuff were a real and sensible word 1:04 AM · 1/20/20 · Twitter Web App
  • 23
    Photo caption - shauna O @goldengateblond hi l'm Rob Lowe and when I watch football I root for the [checks hat] NFL NFL 5:04 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 24
    Text - Text - Moose Allain 00 @MooseAllain Every day this brings me joy. 14yo was doing a thing in class and was instructed to draw 'Animals Doing Ballet'. I love the expressions. He was particularly pleased with the way the bird is wearing its tutu. 5:48 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 25
    Text - Vehicle door - Me seeing Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston hugging backstage at the SAG Awards @lucyontheground - No. I'm not gonna cry. - [voice breaking] Maybe l'll cry.
  • 26
    Text - Dad Bod Time Machine DB @TimeBod Your early thirties are a weird time. Last night I went to a party and found myself scooping up a beer pong ball from underneath a baby stroller. <>
  • 27
    Text - Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt Date someone that loves you no matter what your body looks like. Date someone that understands that your body may change over time. Date someone that knows you can't control how quickly you morph into a werewolf under the light of a full moon. Date someone that loves you for you. 7:34 PM · 1/19/20 · TweetDeck
  • 28
    Text - Text - Elle on Deck @ellewasamistake [first day at a call center] phone: *ringing* me: no 4:07 PM · 1/18/20 · Twitter Web App
  • 29
    Text - Text - Allan Bell @AllanBell247 I'm a No. 9, which are you? (also if anyone says they are a 13 just what are you doing lol) 4 5 2 3 10 11 17 15 16 18 12 13 14 7:34 PM · 1/19/20 · TweetDeck
  • 30
    Text - Art - Cesspool @of_a_genepool Forget nudes, show me your packet drawer. MILD 4:42 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone MiTLD This ia may good side MILU
  • 31
    Text - Text - Mama 2.0 @MamaBear2_0 Me to my 7yo son who's been in the shower for 10 minutes: Are you almost done? 7: Almost. I just have to wash my hair and my body OLBY GIF 6:37 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 32
    Text - Text - El Georgia the Explorer l @FuzzyDuck17 Today I pulled a muscle in my thigh when I squatted to take a photo. I turn 40 in 2 months. Is this it? Is this how it starts? 3:10 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 33
    Text - Text - Will O. @ThelntComShow I think one of the most amazing displays of democracy in history is that one thousand islands managed to come together and agree on a single dressing. 10:52 AM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 34
    Text - Text - Name Cannot be Blank @Call_Me_Cash T once ordered myself a pizza, made it delivery order (I was the driver). Then pretended like I was going to drop it off but really I went home and ate it Myshaelle @ssshellyyyy · 6d I'm curious 00 What's the most unprofessional thing you've done at work?
  • 35
    Text - Text - Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP *up in the attic* *sees favorite stuffed animal as a child* *wipes off cobwebs* *looks around* *gives Charlie a hug* *smiles*
  • 36
    Text - Text - Cool Story Poe l @StoryPoe Me speaking to a human: "I would really appreciate it if you could get back to me with this information at your earliest convenience. Here is my contact information. Thank you!" Me speaking to a voicemail: "me...umm...is need...bananas." 5:13 AM · 1/16/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 37
    Text - Text - princesscryanna @princesscryanna Guy l'm hooking up with: stop telling your friends about us Me to my friends: anyway then he referred to us as "us"
  • 38
    Text - Text - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba I'm going to start Venmo requesting people who get me leave my house with the promise of a good time 1/30th of my rent if no fun was had. We holding socializing accountable in 2020 4:25 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 39
    Text - Text - jess @JessBelll1 some of us have low iron KRUEGER @KRUEGERXVI - 2d Some of you girls love sleep so much its scary Show this thread
  • 40
    Text - Text - Hannah Berner @beingbernz Some of you never ate multivitamin gummies as a snack in college and it shows.
  • 41
    Text - Text - My Kid's Jacket Has Multiple Name Spaces to Facilitate Hand-Me-Downs ww HAND-ME-DOWWN TRAIL NAME NAME NAME L.L.Bean
  • 42
    Text - Weird Tall Abbi @ObscuraGigantic The pen is mightier than the crab. But together, they are unstoppable. 6:15 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 43
    Text - Text - Tony @getbent81 In a toxic family system the black sheep is often just the person who sees through everyone else's bi 12:54 PM · 1/19/20 · Twitter for Android
  • 44
    Text - Text - The Captain @sgrstk Before you commit to dating someone, make sure they don't have prior commitments that will interfere with your fun. Like a jogging routine, a strange way of eating, or somebody else they're already f

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